So the hubbie and I had a little tiff today as we sometimes do, but, like many times before we walked away resolved and closer than before. And I walked away a bit wiser.
We ended the conversation basically with him saying to me “Sometimes I am going to get frustrated and irritated, but I’ll still do what it takes to take care of you, to take care of the kids, and to take care of our home.” Long silence. “Thank you,” I said.
I realized that in all this round and round of the same issue, I was afraid that if he felt irritated or frustrated that he just wouldn’t do it. I was afraid he’d drop the ball and I’d be left to fend for myself. Pastor Jimmy Evans (www.MarriageToday.com) talks about how the “mega need” of a woman is security. And I was afraid that he was frustrated that he would leave me hanging.
In the midst of our conversation he reminded me that I can trust him to love me and care for me…no matter how he feels…a mark of mature love. But I also learned something else…I need to give him the freedom to be irritated. Sometimes in all our “attitude is everything” thinking we forget that it is ok to be frustrated, it’s just what you do with that frustration that counts.
The funny thing is that I teach my daughter this every day. The Bible says, “In your anger do not sin” (Eph. 4:26, Psalm 4:4), and also that when we feel angry not to let the sun go down on that anger but to sit and meditate until we can be peaceful. I tell Laurelei this verse daily, and that this means it is ok to be frustrated, but that we still have to be kind and obey. Apply this principle to other relationships and we still need to be kind and keep our word, bearing with one another's struggles and weaknesses.
Sometimes we just need to offer the grace to others and to ourselves that it is ok to be frustrated. Frustration is not sin. And we can bear with one another (Col.3:13, Gal.6:2).