Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Unprepared

For days now I’ve suspected an enemy in the forest. All the signs were there: it was the occasional rustling of the trees, the quiet crunching of leaves, and when I turned to look I had this sense that things were moving barely enough for the eye to see. But I ignored it. And then today, there it was. I woke up to not so distant gunfire, and by this evening I was under full fledged attack.


I’m coming to understand that even the most confident and seemingly happy people have this same enemy, this same struggle, but it is so painful. It’s insecurity. This morning in the car I found my emotions so close to the surface that I began crying at every song (and not my usual pregnancy hormones cry at every commercial, this was deep, it was personal). I found myself afraid of what might be under that, and I tried harder to hold my head high on the top of the mountain.

By this evening I had been flung off, cast so deep in pain and self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness that I just felt ready to call it quits…what “it” is that I was going to call quits, I’m not exactly sure, but I felt done fighting. I felt defeated. And I found myself assessing other things that were happening around me as a clear sign that my worst fears are true: I am worthless, I am disgusting, I am unlovable.

I did tell God that it hurt. I told Him that I didn’t know what to do. I told Him that I feel lost and alone. About an hour later, He showed me that my perspective on the situation was skewed, and that the enemy had just attacked me in a way I should have been prepared for, but that He still has the victory…God and I, we still have the victory…because I recognized it, and I fought back.

Each time I start to feel this way, this song really speaks to what’s in my heart…

"Cry Out To Jesus"

Third Day




To everyone who's lost someone they love

Long before it was their time

You feel like the days you had were not enough

when you said goodbye



And to all of the people with burdens and pains

Keeping you back from your life

You believe that there's nothing and there is no one

Who can make it right



There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus



For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on

They lost all of their faith in love

They've done all they can to make it right again

Still it's not enough



For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains

You try to give up but you come back again

Just remember that you're not alone in your shame

And your suffering


There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus



When your lonely

And it feels like the whole world is falling on you

You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus



To the widow who suffers from being alone

Wiping the tears from her eyes

For the children around the world without a home

Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus



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