Learning to say "no" is one of the hardest lessons yet; learning to say "no" without feeling incredible guilt - harder still. But I am starting to have periods on the other side of that mountain and really experiencing the freedom with feeling "allowed" to say no and greater beauty of being able to say "yes" to all the things to which I need and want to say "Yes"!
I am also learning that being involved in something doesn’t require me to come early and stay late to every single event involved and be on my “A game” every day. Taking commitments seriously is important, but prioritizing commitments and seeking God in this is more important. Sometimes just showing up functional is enough – fascinating!
All of this is part of God re-shaping my identity, or rather, part of God re-shaping my perception of my identity. These choices all require that I find my worth in Him; if at any moment I begin to become more concerned with what others think or believe that who I am lies in the activities that I do, I fall right back down that slope – overcommitted and under-nourished (spiritually, emotionally, and often physically).
I have found at the end of the day that God, of course, always loves me, and that the love I receive from others is far more valuable than if it was only based on what I did. It’s pretty special to be loved for who you are – mess and all.